As a parent of a neurodivergent child, navigating the complexities of play is often challenging. Play isn’t just an activity. It is an integral part of every child’s learning process. For Autistic and ADHD kids, underdeveloped play skills are linked to motor planning deficits and executive function challenges.
Motor planning, which is how you coordinate your body movements, is connected to language and cognitive tasks. Play requires that a movement pattern is linked to a word and vice versa. As we strategically move through a play scenario, different parts of the brain communicate with each other. The frontal areas (where motor actions begin) reach out to the posterior (or back areas) where motor actions are fine tuned. Verbal and nonverbal working memory also gets involved as the play ideas are visually represented and specific terms are integrated. Consider what it takes for a child with weaknesses in motor coordination, executive functioning, and/or comprehension skills to figure out what “Move the bigger piece over to the opposite side” means. Oftentimes, we don’t realize the processing cost. Instead, what we see on the outside is a child who is seemingly “avoiding” a demand. What’s actually happening is misfiring of brain signals. Your “ask” is too advanced because the expectation is for your child to: determine the spatial prerequisites, fully understand the instruction (how all of the words fit together), hold his plan in mind, consider yours, decide which option they prefer, and either follow through with the original idea or shift gears.
Play is deeply rooted in executive functioning, including problem solving, task initiation, planning, organization, sustained attention, and cognitive flexibility. These skills prepare a child to develop an idea and know exactly where to take it by looking into the future (foresight) while reflecting on the past (hindsight). What happens though when these skills are underdeveloped? For Autistic kids, play may seem “stuck” or repetitive, often revolving around scripts or routines derived from familiar sources, such as TV shows or movies. This repetition is exactly what we are looking for to bridge their ideas and support their current development stage. Children with ADHD present with play that can be mainly physical or follows a “good guy” vs. “bad guy” mentality. Other versions include play geared toward cause and effect, such as “I’m the popular girl, you ask me to come to my party and I’ll tell you that you can’t.” Variations become challenging to manage given struggles with verbal and nonverbal working memories (e.g. keeping track of different scenes and ideas with language).
It’s essential to understand that flexible thinking, sometimes referred to as “gray area thinking,” and altering routines in play cannot and should not be forced. Telling a child to “just be flexible” or “think about the other person” without considering their perspective and desire for ideas to stay the same is counterproductive. Instead, we aim to explore the importance of scripts and routines from the child’s lens. There is a sense of security and predictability when play ideas are consistent. Autistic and ADHD kids need skills to navigate suspected overwhelm, and they do so by veering away from uncertainty and any chance of discomfort. Phrases like, “fine, I don’t care,” or “but it’s my choice” are additional insights into how the brain is processing novel information that is challenging current ideas.
The language of complex play is, of course, child dependent and mirrors their intentions. Thus, instead of adult-led play ideas that focus on how you think your child should play, go with:
Our role in play is to create a regulating presence. A safe space, if you will, where ideas and words are experimental. By aligning yourself with your child’s current skills in executive functioning domains, you get to know their thought process, the information they are bringing into an imaginary world, and what sense of closure they are gaining. There is inherent value in play as it facilitates development, strengthens relationships, and ensures the value of connection. Play has profound benefits for adults, as well, such as freedom of expression, conflict resolution, gaining confidence in not fixing your child’s ideas, and trusting your child to take on challenges.
Play is an opportunity. Even when your suggestions are rejected, it’s not a dismissal of you, but rather an indication that the leap might be too big at the moment. Your Autistic or ADHD child may not have the skills, yet, to shift attention to a new idea while holding onto their original plan. This is not an avoidance. This is not a pathological need for control. It’s a combination of a child’s trust in their environment, the people in that environment and themselves, integrated with executive functioning capabilities that promote resilience to reach higher levels of learning.
